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Dear Birthmom-

I wish that we knew your name so that we could address this letter more personally.  We were blessed recently to have the chance to be parents to a little boy named Cody. We only had him in our home for three short days, but those three days made us really understand what a precious gift it is to be a parent and completely confirmed that the decision to become parents was the best one for us. For the short time that we had Cody, we loved being parents.  Cody taught us a lot, mostly, he taught us how to really love. He taught us that our purpose on this planet is to be parents. Although we realize that Cody will never be coming back to us and we can never replace him, he will always hold a special place in our hearts and family.

What Bonny liked best about being a Mom: I loved the two am feedings, the little cooing noises he made, I loved the look on my husbands face as he held him and watched him, and even the dirty diapers weren’t that bad! I loved the feeling that I had finally found my "calling"

What Andrew liked best about being a Dad: I must admit that before Cody I was still unsure about being a dad. I had a lot of doubts about the responsibilities and my ability to do the job, but once I held him for the first time and fed him and watched him as he slept on my chest I understood the overwhelming love a parent has for a child and knew without a doubt that I could love a child and care for it and be a role model. I am now looking forward to being a dad without doubts.

What do you like to do as a family?

	watch movies
	travel
	go to amusement parks
	read
	spend time with our cats
	spend time with our nieces and nephews

We do not have much family in the area but we are blessed to be surrounded by many friends that are close enough to us to be counted as family, we call them our Family By Choice. We have attended the Silicon Valley Vineyard Church in San Jose for the entire time that we have been married, we are active leaders and involved in several areas of ministry.  

What area of your life would you most like to improve? The  aspect of our lives that we work on most often is our communication and having our faith in God as the basis for our family and marriage. Though we have a terrific life, we are by no means perfect, like everyone else, we have our "off" days where we disagree or are grumpy.

What area of your life do you hope never changes? The one thing that we can offer to children and each other is an abundance of love. Although we do not know many things in life with certainty, we do know that any children that come into our home will be loved and cherished as deeply as we love and cherish each other.

About Andrew:  My favorite hobbies are sports, playing with our cats (who are very kid friendly), computer games, movies, travel and music. I work for a travel company as a Sales Reservationist and we get to travel to some really neat places because of my on the job benefits. I grew up here in San Jose with my mom, dad, younger brother and younger sister. 

About Bonny: I love being a stay at home wife and loved being a mother for the short time I got to do that. I have a lot of hobbies that I love. I sew, cook, read, make scrapbooks, crochet and play with my nieces and nephews. Before I became a homemaker, I trained people about how to use computer software. I grew up in a variety of places mostly here in California. 

Have you always wanted to be parents? I didn't always know that I wanted to be a mom and Andrew didn't always know that he wanted to be a dad, but having Cody taught us how important being parents is to both of us. 

What led to the decision to adopt? In 1997 after living a very confused life, I met my husband Andrew.  We met on a blind date arranged by his sister. It wasn't love at first sight, but we had a lot in common and became very good friends. He was smart, funny, charming, and very loving. We went to concerts together, saw movies and talked for hours. Several months after we met Andrew and I began to see each other in a new light, a love light. We realized after dating other people that all we really wanted was each other, so on September 1, 1997 Andrew proposed and on October 31, 1997 we were married. For the first few years everything was great but in the beginning of 1999 we began to realize that something was missing, and that something was children. Our family was not complete with just the two of us.

As we came to this realization we started to make some changes in our lives. We knew that if we were going to become parents I was going to stay home with our children. At the time, I owned my own computer software-training firm. In July of 1999 I quit training to become a homemaker full time. I also began taking care of our two Godchildren. Taking care of them taught me one of the most important lessons in my life, it taught me that I didn't have to treat children the way my parents treated me, I could be better, I could really love them. We cherished the time that we spent with our Godkids and we delighted in them, but over the months that we spent with them, my heart began to ache, because no matter how much fun we were having, at the end of the day, I was not mom and Andrew was not dad, we were just Auntie Bonny and Uncle Andrew. It was then that we realized that we really wanted to be parents.  

Why Private Adoption?  Cody was placed in our care in what was supposed to be a Foster to Adopt situation. The day he came home with us was the happiest day of our lives. This amazing little person added so much to our family. Every noise he made and everything he did was cherished, while he was with us he was the most loved little boy in the world and we were the happiest mom and dad in the world. Three days later, we found out that there had been a "miscommunication" in the Social Services system and that Cody was never considered to be FostAdopt baby. He was only supposed to be in temporary Foster Care until his mother's court date on the 30th. Taking him back home was the hardest thing that we have ever had to do. We felt betrayed by a system that was supposed to protect him and us. Having had this experience, we decided to explore private adoption because we could know that this option was being chosen and not inflicted on someone.

Parenting Plan:  

	Attachment Parenting
	Baby sleeps with or very near us for the first few months
	Demand feeding (rather than a parental imposed schedule)
	Non-corporal discipline
	Baby Wearing (Sling)

Would you tell my child he or she is adopted?  We believe in telling children from the beginning that they are adopted and would love to have contact with you if you are comfortable with that. We believe that what you are doing is very courageous and that your baby should know how much you love him or her. Whatever your situation is, it is not our place (or anyone else’s) to judge you or your situation, but we would like to help you, if you will let us, by giving your baby a loving home and you (if you are comfortable with it) a place in our lives.

How did you decide what to tell me as a Birthmom?  In my research on the Internet, I came across a letter written by a birthmom that really made me stop and think. She asked some questions that she would have liked to know the answers to, so I felt that I should answer them here for you.

In the letter she wanted to know how we felt about adoption; if we would be ashamed that our children were adopted. Being a parent is a gift no matter how you become one. We are not able to have biological children, but Cody taught us that a child is a child whether born in your womb or in your heart and you love them all equally and fiercely. When he left us, it was like having our hearts ripped out. (Much like I imagine you must be feeling.) Although he was only here for three days, he will be in our hearts forever. In our hearts, he was Our Little Boy and any other children that we are fortunate enough to be gifted with will be Our Little Boys or Girls. Far from being ashamed, we would be honored if you consider us good enough to raise your baby.

In the letter, she also wanted to know if we wondered what she looked like or what her circumstances were; if we would fear having her as part of our lives. We want you to know that we do want to know you. We also pray for you and for your baby. Even if we are not the right match for you, we will pray for you both.

Thank you for considering us as parents for your child,

Andrew and Bonny Eby

Read the letter from the Birthmom mentioned above.

 

It All Begins With a Dream...